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“The clinic brochure had described the after-effect of surgery as ‘mildly uncomfortable, with occasional soreness,’” Marc Almond wrote. Published shortly before his near-fatal motorcycle accident in 2004, his travel book In Search of the Pleasure Palace describes how a mid life crisis led to his first cosmetic procedure: a nose job. Soft Cell singer Marc Almond is similarly candid about his own cosmetic surgery. “I wouldn’t want to look too fresh for my age.” “I would have more plastic surgery, but I feel quite happy at the moment,” he said.
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Cosmetic surgery could keep us looking young forever, or at least eternally youthful.Īndy Bell, singer with electropop band Erasure, explained to The Guardian that when he moved to Miami he found it was “all about the body beautiful” and cosmetic surgery was a conventional response. Jeez that would be exhausting.Īndy Bell says in Miami the decision to have plastic surgery is taken as lightly as “having a tooth out”Īnother message given to older gay men is that we don’t need to come to terms with ageing because we don’t need to look any older. It assumes that every gay man wants to be as sexually attractive to as many people as possible until the day they die. This is a problem with well meaning campaigns such as #SmartSexyStrongSilver which aim “to prove how sexy older gay guys can be”. We all know men who have been devastated by a knock back from a younger guy, when previously they would have just shrugged it off. But if our self esteem depends on sex, it may feel catastrophic.
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Sooner or later we all become less sexually attractive - hey our bodies naturally degrade over time, it’s not the end of the world. Age, in his mind, becomes synonymous with ‘no sex,’ and he decides that he’d rather be dead than to become an old man.” Alan Downs, The Velvet Rage “When a gay man relies on sex for his self esteem, he often develops something of a phobia about ageing. This can be especially problematic as we grow older. But our self esteem can easily become bound up in how attractive we feel, and how much sex we’re having. This wouldn’t be a problem if we were all just looking for sex as a simple physical transaction. Gay men who remain sexually attractive into later life are held in the highest regard - so the suave silver fox remains the archetype of gay ageing. As we get older we naturally spend less time on the scene or on apps, yet we still value ourselves and each other on our looks. We knew the deal on the meat market and we bought into it.īut it’s a hard habit to break. We learnt that in our first gay bar or club or on our first dating app. On the gay scene, your value depends on how sexually attractive you are to other gay men.